The Exquisite Gift of Dharma Sharing
To learn you're not alone. To help solely by being present.
Photo by David W. Levin; Hoi An, Vietnam, 2025
Within the broader Buddhist community, an astounding array of teachings and practices is shared among various lineages/traditions. Something unique to Plum Village and the Sanghas (spiritual communities) which formed around the teachings of Thich Nhat Hanh is the practice of Dharma Sharing.
Often a centerpiece of Sangha gatherings, Dharma Sharing features small groups (typically 2 to ~20 individuals) sitting together in a circle taking turns actively sharing and listening as to how their practice is going. Each sharer takes a few minutes to offer what’s on their mind and heart; each listener gives their full presence and attention to the one who is speaking. A few simple rules make this practice nourishing and freedom-generating for all:
Everything is kept fully confidential, no exceptions
No advice is to be offered, no cross-talk allowed. This allows each person to share fully and sincerely without fear of unsolicited, unwelcome advice
Loving speech and deep listening practices are to be used at all times
Given my privilege of participating in several Sangha gatherings each week, I’ve now had the benefit of participating in dozens, perhaps hundreds, of Dharma Sharing sessions. I never fail to be moved, inspired, and touched deeply by what I hear. The range of what people share is vast — from quick, joyful updates about what made them smile this week to intense, emotion-filled expressions of profound suffering. The way Dharma Sharing provides such a unique opportunity to share openly and listen to others with love is, in my view, one of Thay’s greatest innovations.
Two ways in which Dharma Sharing is incredibly helpful:
Learning you’re not alone
One of the most painful aspects of suffering is the thought that you’re alone in your suffering — that no one else could understand or experience what you’re going through. The tendency to feel this way is exacerbated greatly by social media, which most often gives the impression that everyone you know is living their best, suffering-free life.
Dharma sharing puts you face to face (quite literally) with others’ suffering. You listen deeply and learn right away how others suffer as you do. The experience is especially striking when people who, via first impressions and appearances, seem to “have it all” open up and disclose how much they are suffering. Of course, there is no joy or pleasure in hearing how other people suffer. But there is palpable, helpful kind of relief that comes with knowing you’re not the only one who experiences suffering in some way.
In my experience, an intellectual understanding that suffering exists for all people is too light, too flimsy of a concept to be comforting when you need it, when you feel alone in the trenches of your ill-being. The regular practice of being available, open, and lovingly present for others becomes the nourishing reminder, the enduring teaching, that can give you a healing sense of comfort and companionship with the chips are down.
Helping simply by being present
Full candor: until experiencing this directly in Dharma Sharing, I would have never believed this to be true. But it is true: just being present with and for another person who is suffering helps them in a profound way. Just sitting with them, giving your full presence and attention, looking at them with calm eyes and centered heart. This alone is enough.
Like many (perhaps most) of us, I was raised in an environment that if someone was expressing their pain or suffering to me it meant that I was responsible for dispensing advice or encouragement. So many aspects of our culture and media reinforce this idea. As I now better understand, this is unhelpful in at least two ways: 1) when suffering, people (including me) often just want to be seen and heard, not advised; and 2) when a listener feels on the spot to come up with award-winning, Class A advice, they often stop listening early and focus on what they’re going to say to turn this person’s life around. It’s lose-lose.
The discipline of Dharma Sharing is to practice deep listening. Giving advice or even following-up unsolicitedly with someone after the sharing session has ended is strictly prohibited. That restriction is a gift to all. The sharers know they won’t be interrupted or advised; the listeners can see and feel first-hand the comfort and calm they’re able to offer the person speaking. It’s win-win.
Until Dharma Sharing, never would I have believed that I could listen to friends share their suffering, not say a word, and walk away knowing in my heart I was able to be helpful. Such a gift.
Of all the myriad benefits I receive as an active participant in the Plum Village tradition, having access to a kind, loving, fun, active spiritual community ranks #1. If this sounds appealing and you’re not yet part of a Sangha, this link may be helpful. And no, I’m not a compensated endorser or influencer for Plum Village, just a happy, grateful member of the community :).